Definitions

 Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

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Love affairs:

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

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Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

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Divorce:

Future tense of marriage

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Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

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Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

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Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

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Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power ...

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Dictionary:

A place where divorce comes before marriage.

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Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

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Ecstasy:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

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Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.

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Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

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Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

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Etc:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

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Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

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Experience:

The name men give to their mistakes.

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Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

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Philosopher:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

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Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

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Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

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Optimist:

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

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Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

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Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

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Father:

A banker provided by nature.

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Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.

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Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

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Boss: 

Someone who comes early when you are late and is late when you come early.

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Doctor:

A medical person who kills your ills by pills and kills you with bills.

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INSURANCE:

A contact that keeps you poor all your life so that you can be rich after.

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Nurse: 

A person who wakes you to give you sleeping pills.

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Saturday and Sunday: 

Are strong days as the others are weak days (weekdays). 

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School:

A place where Papa pays and son plays.
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YAWN:The only time a husband can open his mouth in front of his wife.

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